Ukraine War Day #456: General Zaluzhny’s Trepanation

Dear Readers:

Today I only have time for a quickie. Falling back on just some mindless “Celebrity Gossip”, as it were.

This is in regard to General Zaluzhny, we all love and revere that big huggable bear of a man with his swastika ring. Russian reporter Alexandra Yudina boldly goes where no man has gone before: She dares to spill some unsubstantiated gossip about Zaluzhny’s condition. According to her source, General Zaluzhny, around the beginning of May, just happened to be hanging out at Ukrainian army HQ in Kherson, when BOOM! Russian shrapnel allegedly pierced that thick Slavic skull and right into his enormous, but mostly evil, brain.

General Zaluzhny requires an XXX-Large trepanation halo.

“General, this is gonna pinch a little bit…”

Yudina goes on to spill, that Zaluzhny’s doctors performed a trepanation of his skull. English people generally say “craniotomy” but the Russian word is “trepanation” (трепанация). From the Latin trepanatio, which means “Trap a Nazi.” Apparently one of Zaluzhny’s doctors or nurses, allegedly violating their HIPAA laws, or the Ukrainian equivalent, communicated to the press that their famous patient is expected to live, but mostly as a vegetable. A potato, to be more precise. [That’s a shout-out to my reader, Bukko, who is fascinated by the spud-like qualities of Slavic skulls.] “People say” that Zaluzhny will not be in any condition to perform his usual job duties. Not with that thing in his brain, and a hole in his skull.

Which, by the way, reminds me of the Russian Wagner PMC logo, which consists of a Screaming Skull trapped inside some kind of medical apparatus. Seeing this prophetic insignia, one is always tempted to ask the pertinent question: “Are we the baddies?”

A different reporter, Kristina Tsytsura, is more discrete about running this story. She writes that Sergei Naryshkin, who heads the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service, is too coy to actually come and say that Zaluzhny is totally tubular now. Naryshkin says that he will not comment on the situation until his info is 100% confirmed.

But according to the reporter, Zaluzhny has extra problems, even in addition to his wounds. He suffers from Diabetes type II, which obviously complicates every other possible medical condition or problem. If only he had kept his blood sugar down, like his doctors ordered him, then he would have been able to endure these painful procedures with more resiliency.

The gossip deepens: Zaluzhny is perceived as a protégé of the Americans. He might even have been in the running to replace Zelensky as the President. [yalensis: Americans like to keep a deep bench and a lot of horses in their stable. That way they have more choices. Like a hundred flavors of ice cream!] There was definitely some conflict between Zaluzhny and Zelensky. Tsytsura speculates that Zaluzhny’s medical condition will weaken Washington’s position, while at the same time strengthening London’s. The latter having their own candidate in General Alexander Syrsky. The Brits also keep Kirill Budanov and Andrei Yermak in their stable of thoroughbreds. Kristina speculates that Zaluzhny’s incapacitation may serve to prolong Zelensky’s ability to stay in his post. So, score one for Zelensky.