Ukraine War Day #168: Of Lies And Little Liars

Dear Readers:

Well, Lordie, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw this piece in CNN:

Did propaganda-spewing fake journalist Nick Robertson not get the memo that “Reality” was supposed to work the other way around? Ukrainians are supposed to be fleeing FROM the Russians, not TOWARDS the Russians. After all, the Ukrainian government and soldiers are sweet and perfect, they ride on unicorns while rainbows shoot out of their asses. Whereas the Russians are brutal and mean, they kill people just for the fun of it. Nobody would want to turn the headlights of their cars in that direction. Well, maybe somebody switched the arrows around on the street signs? Or all these people are just directionally-challenged, driving South when they should be driving North. That’s something I would do, for example, because I have a sort of reverse compass in my head.

Readers will recall that the Russian press already covered this story (about the “Zaporozhie Gateway”) over a week ago; and even I wrote a post about it, so none of this is news to the Russophile community.

Better late than never, but the true mystery here is why Westie MSM even decided to tell the story. Conspiracy theorists posit that West is getting sick of Zelensky’s B.S. and gave the green light to their media, to start emitting some tiny particles of truth. Sort of, to start preparing Westie public psychologically, for the eventual, predestined defeat. I don’t know if that theory is true or not.

To be sure, as if not to disappoint, Nick sprinkles in some lies. For example, (a) most of the people are not fleeing from the Ukraine, they’re just taking a side-trip to pick up some relatives and take them back to the Promised Land (while loading up their cars with all their stuff, and kids, and cats as well); or (b) the reason the traffic is so one-sided is because the Russian soldiers won’t let people out again. In other words, Russian-occupied Zaporozhie is like a roach motel: You can get in, but you can’t get back out. This is contradicted by the stated fact that a small number of cars were actually seen going in the other direction.

If you watch this video on youtube itself, be sure to read the comments as well, a lot of pro-Russians flocked to the comment section, as you can imagine, where they have a field day debunking the lies and half-truths.

The Little Counter-Offensive That Couldn’t

Next on the agenda: the vaunted Kherson counter-offensive has been called off. It was either yesterday, or the day before yesterday, the Ukrainians suddenly started going, “Ha ha! We were just kidding!”

Turns out, it was just a cunning plan to bluff the Russians into moving battalions and artillery from the Donbass Front to the Southern Front. It that were so, then twere a lemon-lemonade kind of thing, since the Russians really need to have more forces on both fronts anyhow. (In my humble opinion as an Armchair General.) This repositioning allows the Russians to move on Nikolaev whilst also attacking Soledar.

Andrei Yermak: a Magnificent Beast
Podolyak: “It was all part of our cunning plan…”

Although, if this was just a bluff, then why not continue with the bluff? Why even announce that it was a bluff? Unless it’s a double-bluff! The Chief Bluffer here is Mikhail Podolyak, one of the tightest members of Zelensky’s ever-shrinking inner circle. He is said to be Zelensky’s right hand, with Andrey Yermak as the left hand. Yermak is the one whom American Congresswoman Victoria Spartz accused of being a Russian spy, and also Zelensky’s “homosexual lover”. That second charge is quite unbelievable, because if you look at photos of Podolyak and Yermak, Podolyak is definitely the cuter of the two. (I mean, in a rugged sort of way.) Whereas Yermak is just an ugly beast, pure and simple.

Be that as it may, it was fun to watch Alexei Arestovich on his youtube channel yesterday, performing his usual smooth contortions and glib word games. After bragging about the Kherson counter-offensive for weeks, and thus bolstering the members of his cult, he now had to snap to the Party Line and reassure his doting fants that it was all just a glorious bluff; and all for the greater good. Evil gossips claim that Arestovich, despite his exalted title as “Special Advisor to the President”, is not actually a member of Zelensky’s inner circle. Any more. If he ever was. Like I said before, Podolyak is the right hand, and Yermak is the left hand. Although! When Zelensky had Hollywood actress Jessica Chastain over to visit in his Kiev bunker, it is said that the “closed session meeting” involved only her, Zelensky, and Yermak. Podolyak either was not invited to the orgy, or opted out.

Now you see why I posted this entry under the WordPress Tag “Celebrity Gossip” !

Little Liar?

Speaking of Arestovich, I will end this gossipy piece with a joke. But first I have to explain too much, because there is an elaborate set-up.

The story involves this grainy video featuring still another of Zelensky’s “childhood friends”, this one a guy named Evgeny Koshevoi. Well, maybe not a childhood friend, but still going quite far back, to their days in the comedy club circuit. Koshevoi, like Zelensky, still works as a professional comedian; and this video shows him doing his stand-up shtik for an audience of Ukrainian servicemen. This particular joke could have been really funny; but, in his nervousness and haste, he doesn’t set it up properly and messes up the punchline.

The set-up: There is a standard Russian joke involving fairy tale characters; the first two pairs are always the same. The third pair is the variable, with the punchline ending on the name of whichever person one is making fun of at the time. For example, in this case the target of the joke is the Russian boxer Nikolai Valuev, who is as ugly as he is strong. So he is compared with Shrek:

“Who the f*** is Nikolai Valuev?”

Three friends set out on a journey to visit the Home of Truth, wherein is housed the Mirror of Truth. While walking along, they brag about their perfection: Snow White: “I am the most beautiful woman in the world.” Thumbelina: “I am the tiniest person in the world.” Shrek: “I am the strongest and also the ugliest man in the world.” They reach the House of Truth and go inside, one by one. Snow White rushes out a moment later, sobbing: “The Mirror told me there is a person named Sleeping Beauty, who is more beautiful than me!” Next goes Thumbelina, who also rushes out a moment later, drenched in her own tears: “The Mirror told me there is this boy named Tom Thumb, who is tinier than me!” Last in goes Shrek. Who exits a minute later, roaring with anger: “Who the f*** is Nikolai Valuev?”

You understand the pattern, right? The first two pairs are constant to these characters; the third pair is the variable. So, Koshevoi decides to tell this same joke to the soldiers, with his “third variable” being to make fun of Alexei Arestovich. Which is risky, because he could get in trouble for this. Does Arestovich have the power to arrest people? Who knows. In any case, Koshevoi’s punchline is, “Who the f*** is Alexei Arestovich?”

The soldiers chuckle politely, but I don’t think they got the joke, because it wasn’t told well. For starters, Koshevoi rushes through it nervously. Secondly, he doesn’t set up the third fairy tale character at all; just nervously mumbles something about Врунишка (“Vrunishka”). Who is not an actual fairy tale character. It’s just a Russian word that means “Little Liar”. Perhaps he should have used Pinocchio instead? Which would be apt, because some of Alexei’s fans claim they can tell when he is lying: He pinches or rubs his nose. Others say they can tell when he is lying, because he opens his mouth and starts to talk.

This entry was posted in Celebrity Gossip, Military and War and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Ukraine War Day #168: Of Lies And Little Liars

  1. michaeldroy says:

    Welcome to Hotel California…
    “Relax, ” said the night man
    “We are programmed to receive”
    “You can check-out any time you like”
    “But you can never leave!”

    Nice clip – Desperate situations call for desperate lies.

    I wonder who actually believed in the Kherson attack?
    It was clearly a PR thing to distract from the Afghanistan withdrawal in the Donbas real story.

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      I actually believed in it myself, because it seemed like the logical thing to do, from the Ukrainian POV. Well, I didn’t attend Military Academy, but it’s what Colonel Baranets believed as well, in my previous series of posts!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. John Kane says:

    I hate to say it but the SMO has improved your blog. It was good before but the acid wit we see now ….!

    Like

  3. lou strong says:

    Distance is a big daringness-enhancer,
    In presence of Valuev, I’m sure I’d speak all the best about him in general and about his Momma ,Poppa and his whole family and relatives. If asked straightly about his handsomeness, I’d answer that he’s a very interesting person with some captivating charme 🙂
    As for Arestovich, if I got it well, I’d say that a pattern of every regime is the fact that when you start getting mocked by regime comedians, it’s a possible proxy that your good fortunes in the top rankings of the regime itself are declining or at least not so firm.
    As for people going towards the Russian side, I suppose Russians are quiet satisfied about it, but I wonder which kind of control Russians do at the entry checkpont, if I were them I’d be worried that among the flux of civilians Ukrainians could try to introduce spies and saboteurs.

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      Haha! Re Valuev, and what I would say in his presence… There is some old American joke, I am probably not telling it right, and I think the original version is even racist, so I have to clean it up, it goes something like, What do you call the big fella who approaches you in the dark alley wielding a knife? And the answer is: “Sir.”

      Re. Arestovich, don’t worry about him! He controls a massive cult of youtube fanatics. I was just reading in the Russian press today, Lusya is such a popular figure in Kiev, that he had to hire his own bodyguard to keep the girls away. Sort of like the Beatles in their time, the young women and girls see Alexei walking down the street, and they scream and run to him and try to tear him apart, after taking a lot of selfies.

      About saboteurs: Yup! I’m sure the SBU is sneaking a bunch in, but what can you do, you can’t vet everybody without turning into a Gestapo yourself.

      Like

  4. Nick Robertson also didn’t bring up the factor of wanting to avoid the Ukrainian Army draft as a reason for going to the Russia-controlled side. As I was watching that clip, I looked at the men and thought “You’re of the right age to go to the front to absorb Russian bullets or artillery shrapnel (coz they’re sure to run out of that stuff eventually, if the leaders just keep sending enough human flesh to soak it up.)” Why are the Ukies letting them leave? Bribes, perhaps? (Paid in a currency other than hryvna.) I don’t mean to bag unnecessarily on Robertson (even if he deserves it in other ways) because a lugenpresser can’t get too widespread in a 2 ½ minute video segment.

    Good onya for providing visual images, Yalensis. I am a word-oriented person, by dint of my mental makeup. I LOVE reading. I don’t muck around much with imagery, because I get ADHD-style impatient with Utoob vids. Even with something as brief as a music video, I find myself thinking after 30 seconds “Why am I sitting here passively watching this, when I have three open tabs of news articles that I could be looking at?” I wound up pausing the CNN bit multiple times to gaze at the background, the lay of the land, trying to figure out the makes of the cars, counting those ubiquitous plaid carry bags… Even the mud — you don’t know how marvellous that seems compared to the sparse soil in Oz, where life hangs on by its thin roots in a land of dry sand. Hooray for chernozem! It broadened my understanding of the Ukrainian zeitgeist. And that shot of Valuev! I’m not denigrating the man, who’s undoubtedly a skilled fighter and could knock my head clear into the next oblast, but mate, that receding brow made me flash back to the stages of human evolution that I learned in Anthropology 101…

    Gossip-game Scenario: cage match between Valuev and Yermak — who would win? Not boxing — Valuev is a pro, so that would be unfair. A staring contest! Who’d claw his way out of the cage first screaming “I can’t stand to look at that gargoyle for another second!”?

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      Hey, Bukko. In retrospect, that CNN vid may have done more harm than good. Because yesterday I was reading in Russian press, Ukie government caught onto this basically draft-dodging scam (perhaps with help from good ole Nick) and started passing laws trying to plug this leak. Like demanding that people sign something to swear they will return by such-and-such a date. Of course, I imagine that people can sign something with their fingers crossed behind their back.
      On images: Yeah, I am a verbal person too, that’s why I like to write. The verbal centers of my brain have been hyper-active ever since I was 3 years old, according to my mom, who tells stories of stuff I used to blabber, and many tall stories that I used to tell, which I have no memory of! But once I started blogging, and once I figured out how to do it, and how easy it was to steal free images from the internet, I came up with this shtick of embedding images in my text. I think most people appreciate having a picture, for example, looking at Valuev and seeing how ugly he is, as opposed to just believing me when I try to find words describing how ugly he is! I think it also helps to have little photos of the analysts who are delivering the analysts, one sees a face and it helps to put things in context. I also like, sometimes, to come up with funny captions, that’s sort of my thing…

      Okay, Valuev vs Yermak? That’s easy. The competition is who can launder the most money in 15 minutes. Yermak would win hands down and clean bilions of $$$ while Valuev just stands there, scratching his Neanderthal brow!

      Like

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