Ukraine War Day #86: The Condition of Mariupol POWs

Dear Readers:

Zelensky: “Grandpa Semyon,
I swear on your grave and on your memory that I will destroy every last effing Naughty in this effing country! Whatever it takes and whatever it costs! שום דבר לא נסלח.”

In the interests of rampant humanitarianism, I hope to allay people’s worries about the Mariupol POWs, who are of course the most important people in the world. Latest count is something like an astonishing 1800 men who crawled out of the Azovstal tunnels and surrendered to the Russians. Must be highly irksome to Ukrainian President Ellen Sky, who was no doubt hoping these guys would all starve to death or rot away. But his Spartans decided they wanted to live, thus foiling his evil scheme – mwahahaha!

Exhibit A: Westie media was horrified at the sight of Neo-Naughties being “marched” down the streets of Mariupol. Click on the “Today Show” propaganda video below, which spins this process as a “parade of prisoners”, not unlike the Bataan Death March of the modern era. The headline emblazening RUSSIA PARADES SURRENDERING UKRAINIAN FIGHTERS!

Meanwhile, the only truly inhumane thing about this process was that the “fighters” had to carry their own luggage, since the valet service was busy elsewhere. Most of the commenters to this video righteously mocked the egregious propaganda, pointing out that the guys only had to walk a couple of blocks from the tunnel entrance, down the access road, and onto the waiting buses. I personally had to walk farther than that (dragging my suitcase) from the hotel to the shuttle, during my last luxury vacation. And I’m not a soldier!

Exhibit B: I ask you to examine below photo taken from outside the bus, wherein neo-Naughties are being transported from Mariupol to their POW location. This is a luxury coach, so maybe they even got to watch a movie, Valkyrie with Tom Cruise is a perennial favorite. Things to notice: (1) some neo-Naughties are skinheads and closely shaven, but others sport luxurious beards. I have been told that the latter attempt to emulate Vikings and Nordic Gods like Thor. (2) Note that these Vikings have been supplied with rather large bottles of water so they can stay hydrated during their long bus trip. (3) Their hands are free, they are not in handcuffs or shackles. Please compare this with the way that prisoners and POW’s are routinely treated in the U.S., they are always shackled and often hooded as well. Which proves, once and for all, that Russians are nicer people than Americans. (4) The signage on the outside of the bus window reads, in Russian: “You must wear a mask and gloves” (for covid, natch). Nobody is obeying that rule, so I reckon it’s a health violation, but whatever…

After their bus ride, the prisoners arrived at their new homes. Reporter Alexandra Yudina dishes about their conditions. She was able to interview some of the prisoners. An Azov guy named Stanislav told her that “We have a dining room. Breakfast was soup. Lunch was soup and kasha. We have everything that we need here: beds, mattresses, blankets, pillows. Some of the guys here are wounded, and we are waiting for the arrival of the doctor, which they promised us would be soon.”

Another Azovite named Sergei remarked that the conditions of captivity turned out to be better than he had expected: “The food is really good here!” Customer satisfaction is not just the goal, it’s also part of the culture.

Every Naughty little boy gets his own binkie.

In the sleeping quarters, the men are not piled up like sardines, and they don’t have to sleep on the floor. Each man has his own cot, with a mattress (not a thick one, from the looks of it), sheets, pillow, pillowcase, and soft comfy blanket. The only thing he don’t get is a teddy bear. But maybe some could be brought in, once the wardens get their act together and figure out just how many stuffed animals they need to purchase.