I saw this piece in the Russian press today. Everybody knows that Russia is developing a new super-weapon to counter Anti-Missile Defense systems that the Americans are unfolding in Eastern Europe and along Russia’s border. Humans are tired of this boring old life, Mutual Deterrence is dead, Viva the Arms Race!
The American people, under the glorious leadership of General Jack D. Ripper, hope to neutralize Russian missile defenses in order to achieve first-strike capability – Woooo! Ant-like Russians respond in their typical way by building THE DOOMSDAY MACHINE, something involving ultra-sound. If you want more details about the new weapon, then I suggest you check out military-type blogs, because I don’t know very much about military hardware. My story is more about the human side of mass destruction and the annihilation of the human race – putting a human face to a doomsday machine. In the end there will be catharsis and reunited families.
So, yesterday (March 1) Russian President Putin, in his annual address to the Federal Assembly (the 2 houses of Parliament) — in American terms this would be like addressing the Congress and Senate together — announced that Russia is building a “Strategic Rocket Complex with an ultra-sound winged block” — whatever that is! — to counter the American anti-missile complex. Putin claims that the new weapons cannot be intercepted by American Anti-Air, hence they would survive the Pindostan First Strike (PFS), and be able to retaliate with full-on nukes. Pretty cool, no?
As you could guess, Westie press is all over this “supersonic Russian threat”, but portraying it as an aggressive move rather than defensive. But again, that’s not what my story is about.
In the course of announcing the new weapon, Putin remarked that the Russian military still has not thought of a name for the weapon. It goes without saying that the name should be something cool. He mentioned there could be an online competition set up for people to suggest names. This sort of thing is done even in “normal” countries. For example in England, the most normal country in the world, online voters chose the name Boaty McBoatface for a scientific research ship operated by the British navy.
Would Russians decide on something like “Nukey McNukeFace” for the new rocket system? Probably not. In any case, Putin’s advisor Surkov (who himself has a really cool Slavic first name — Vladislav) has suggested something much better. Surkov has suggested naming the new system Givi, after the Donetsk Peoples Republic Separatist Commander who was assassinated one year ago. “There is such a hero…” Surkov mused.