Pope Pompeo Splits Orthodox Church! – Part I

Dear Readers:

I should have started this series yesterday, which was Sunday.  Since this is a church-themed post, and suitable for a Sunday School sermon.  But no matter, Religion is not just a matter for Sundays.  Religion is something that should be adhered to and practiced, every day of the week.  Amen.

I’m not sure exactly where to start.  The lede looks something like this:  American Secretary of State Michael Pompeo, who possesses the name a Roman Emperor would kill for — literally — made a pilgrimage out to some ancient Christian sites, to Egypt and Greece, possibly Turkey, those places inhabited by bearded holy men; and next thing you know, the Orthodox World is split in two!  Pompeo obviously being a very religious man, who seeks to discern God’s will and to build the One and Only True Faith.  Namely, the Ukrainian Church of the Holy NATO.

The ancient Coptic Orthodox Church of Alexandria now recognizes NATO as the one true God.

Okay, let’s try to break this down.  We start with this piece by reporter Natalia Makarova.  She leads with the fact that the Alexandrian Church in Egypt was founded by the Apostle Saint Mark himself, as far back as 49 AD.  Per wiki, “It is one of the original Apostolic Sees of Christianity, alongside Rome, Antioch, Constantinople and Jerusalem.”

So, Secretary of State Pompeo made a quick, unannounced visit to this ancient Coptic Orthodox Church, founded by one of Christ’s closest companions; —  and next thing you know, it has recognized the Ukrainian Schismatic Church (USC).  Making this shocking announcement following directly after a similar announcement by the Athens Church, which happened just this past Friday.  Also directly following a visit by Pope Mike Pompeo!  What are the odds?

Brothers and Sisters, before continuing with this saga, let us pause for some scripture, from (what else?) the Gospel of Saint Mark:

Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding.
And all the devils besought him, saying, Send us into the swine, that we may enter into them.
And forthwith Jesus gave them leave. And the unclean spirits went out, and entered into the swine: and the herd ran violently down a steep place into the sea, (they were about two thousand;) and were choked in the sea.
And they that fed the swine fled, and told it in the city, and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that was done.

(Mark omits the part where the owner of the swine sued Jesus for drowning his herd.  But no matter, he wasn’t supposed to be keeping swine anyhow, since they are non-kosher.)

What Is the Ukrainian Schismatic Church?

Well, to be fair, it’s not what they call themselves.  They call themselves the Ukrainian Orthodox Church.  Quick backstory:  Recall how, last year, the so-called “Patriarch” [air quotes] of Constantinople gave his blessing to the creation of a separate Ukrainian Church.  Separate from the Moscow Patriarchate.  It sort of makes sense:  An independent nation should have its own independent Church, right?  At least, that’s what Henry VIII believed.

“Now there was there nigh unto the mountains a great herd of swine feeding…. And the chief swine amongst them was called Pompeo…”

The split or “Tomos” in question was engineered and celebrated openly as a tactical victory in NATO’s Cold War against Russia.  Because all the Westie Cold Warriors believe, with all their hearts, that this religious split hurts Russia.  That’s why they are rejoicing so much.  And maybe it does, I’m not really in a position to judge.  One thing it is supposed to do is force the separation between Ukrainian and Russian believers; sort of like, set them at each others throats.  All part of Emperor Pompeo’s grand strategy; or, as the Romans like to say, “Divide et impera!”  All part of the plan to split Ukrainians and Russians, who used to be one single people; but verily, now, are two.  Well, the believing people, at least.  Atheists don’t really care, and they’re still the same people, at heart.

Epiphany: “After the Tomos, it started raining naked men!”

Here is how ideological Banderite and NATO-supporting Ukrainian Metropolitan Epiphany I greeted the news from Alexandria on his Facebook page:  “With joy we [the royal “we”] impart the good news:  The most blessed Pope and Patriarch of the Alexandrian Church and of African Churches Theodore II, on Friday, November 8, during the time of the most blessed liturgy, in the Cathedral of the Archangels in the capital of Egypt … first uttered the name of the Most Holy Metropolitan of Kiev and all of Ukraine, Epiphany [i.e., moi], as the representative of the Autocephalic Orthodox Church of the Ukraine!”

A word of explanation for the heathens amongst us:  In their official liturgies, the heads of the various churches go through a sort of “Suzy’s Bedtime List” mentioning all their counterparts around the world:  “And God bless Bartholomew, and God bless Theodore, and God bless… etc.”  But only naming real people with real titles.  Hence, when Epiphany got mentioned for the first time in Theodore’s prayer, that was actually a huge thing.  Equivalent to diplomatic recognition.

Jesus: “Away with you, NATO demons! Be gone, mind your own business, and go live La Vida Loca!”

Meanwhile, the Moscow Patriarchate is beside itself with anger/grief/denial, etc.  When interviewed by TASS, Synod Representative and Press Secretary for the Moscow Patriarch, Vladimir Legoida, uttered the following soundbite:

“The situation is complicated, and it shows how things could get even more complicated, by the thoughtless actions of Patriarch Bartholomew in the Ukraine.”

Bitter?  Just a bit.  The loss of Alexandrian support is a real blow to the Moscow Patriarch.  But you know what?  I’m not all that sympathetic.  If Moscow had truly wanted to be the Third Rome, then they never should have recognized the authority of Constantinople.  Speaking of which, the Alexandrian Church, the most ancient in the world, as noted above, is an Autocephalic entity ranking #2 in the entire hierarchy of Orthodox entities.  And Theodore II was formerly hailed by Russia as a principled defender of “canonical” Orthodoxy (i.e., the Moscow Patriarchate) in the Ukraine.  A year ago he visited Odessa and defended the canonical entity against the heretics.  But now, all of a sudden, he switched sides, now he supports the heretics!  Gee, I wonder what could have happened to change his mind?  I also wonder why those geniuses in the Moscow Patriarchate never saw this betrayal coming.  Et tu, Judas?

Next:  the reaction of the politicians on various sides of this new Holy War.  And speaking of swine, we shall start with ex-President Poroshenko’s soundbite…

[to be continued]

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