Russian Mafia Elects New Godfather

Dear Readers:

Today I have this exciting piece from the world of crime, by reporter Yury Vershov.  Yury reports that the Russian Mafia recently enjoyed their annual convention in Moscow and voted for their new Capo di Capos.  The stunning news here is that the newly crowned Godfather is an ethnic Russian, a Slav.  (In the past it being the norm for this post to go to someone of … er… Caucasian ethnic background.)

The Luzhniki area of Moscow

The Crime Convention took place in a restaurant in the Luzhniki neighborhood of Moscow.  (The Luzhniki Stadium is the site of several of the recent World Cup Soccer games.)  Over 10 of the most influential Russian Mafiosos met in a fancy restaurant to elect their new leader.  Who, in Russian, is called the “Universal Obshchak“.  The rough equivalent of “Boss of All Bosses”.  The post had gone vacant after former Obshchak Zakhariy Kalashov (aka “Young Shakro”) received a meaty prison sentence.  In an admirable show of unity, the new crime boss was elected by unanimous acclaim; his name is Oleg Shishkanov (aka “Shishkan”).  It is reported that the meeting in the restaurant was organized by Mikhail Voevodin (aka “Mikhail Luzhnetsky”), who is actually fully legal and does not have a criminal record.  He is the owner of several elite restaurants in the Luzhniki area.  It is not reported what was served on the dinner menu, but one expects it must have been some tasty “southern” dishes, possibly even Khachapuri.

What follows is a list of the Mafiosi who attended the special dinner:

  • Vasily Khristoforov (aka “Vasya of the Resurrected”)
  • Dmitry Chanturia (aka “Miron”)
  • Oleg Shishkanov (aka “Shishkan”)
  • Mikhail Voevodin (aka “Misha Luzhnetsky”)
  • Alexei Petrov (aka “Petrik”)
  • Sergei Aksenov (aka “Aksen”)
  • Badri Koguashvili (aka “Badri Kutaissky”)
  • Kakhaber Parpaliya (aka “Kakha”)
  • Elgudzha Turkadze (aka “Gudzha Kutaissky”0
  • Merab Gogiya (aka “Meliya”)

Here is how the meeting went:  First on the agenda was a discussion of the latest news in the criminal world.  The activities of Nadir Salifov (aka “Lotu Guli”) in Turkey.  The lifelong ban on entering Russia awarded to Tariel Oniani (aka “Taro”).  The beefy jail sentence awarded to Young Shakro (9 years and 10 months in the slammer).  And many other interesting topics.

“Young Shakro” is behind bars, so crooks needed to elect new Capo

All of the participants in the meeting agreed that Shakro, much missed as he was, needed to be replaced, since he was going to be away so long.  The Obshchak fulfills important duties on a nationwide basis for all Russian criminal gangs.  Such a post cannot be left vacant.  Hence, the main order of business was to elect his successor.

All of the gangsters agreed, and expressed their appreciation, that “Resurrected” and “Kakha” have been doing a great job of collecting the loot, in Shakro’s absence; however, it is necessary to have a single strongman in charge.  Shishkan was presented as the candidate.  The vote went all “yays” and no “nays”.  The decision will soon be made public to all the criminal gangs of Russia, so now they know where to send the loot.

Which raises the thorny question:  What about those other famous gangsters who were not invited to the meeting?  Will they abide by the vote?  The answer is yes.  For example, Eduarda Asatryana (aka “Edik Osetrina”), who was not able to attend the dinner, already made it clear that he accepts the decision.  Shishkan’s election was not even opposed by his natural enemy Merad Dzhangveladze (aka “Merab Sukhumi”).  It is said that Merab looks at things with a sober eye:  He is fully aware that with Taro forbidden to enter Russian territory, Shishkan was the only realistic choice.  Shishkan’s candidacy was not opposed even by the clan of Lasha Shushanashvili (aka “Lasha Rustavsky”).

Lotu Guli: The lone dissenter

Nor is “Young Shakro” himself expected to have any objections to being replaced by the new leader.  It is said that Shakro’s “legal kin” have very good working relations with Shishkan.  These “legal kin” include such names as Nodar Asoyan (aka “Nodar Rustavsky”) and Shalva Osmanov (aka “Kusa”).

The only dissenting voice was said to be that of Lotu Guli, who, in absentia, grumbled something to the effect that “We don’t need no f***ing King.”

Not wishing to drop the lede, reporter Vershov closes his story with the remark that Shishkan’s election as crime boss has important ramifications from the point of view of ethnic equality.  Namely, it marks the end of the “hegemony” of ethnic Kurds sitting on the throne of the Russian crime world; and possibly the rise of the ethnic Slavs.  All of the previous Capos were of Kurdish ethnos, including Aslan Usoyan (aka “Ded Hasan”) and Zakhariy Kalashov.  This event actually marks the decline of the Kurdish and “Yezid” clans, but they should not despair, they still have an important representative in Miron.  Who also, by the way, is very good friends with Lotu Guli.

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2 Responses to Russian Mafia Elects New Godfather

  1. Aule says:

    You made a mistake in translation: obshchak is not a title. It’s other name is “thieves’ treasury”, it’s made by pooling resourses from all criminal gangs for common causes and to settle disputes. It’s something to be in charge of. The title would be “the holder of obshchak”.


    • yalensis says:

      Thank you, Aule, I appreciate that correction!
      I also apologize that your comment was held up in the filter for so long, I have been without internet for several days. Just got back on now — woo hoo!


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