The headline might sound scary, but I promise I am not hyping it. In essence, the American House of Representatives yesterday passed a bill which will, if implemented, lead directly and inexorably to nuclear war in the Pacific. A war which will place the U.S. in conflict simultaneously against Russia, China, North Korea, Iran, Syria, and probably several other countries as well. Way to go, America!
The stated purpose of the bill, known as House Resolution 1644, or the “Korea Interdiction and Modernization of Sanctions Act”, passed the House overwhemingly with 419 “yays”, a handful of “No Votes” (i.e., congresszombie was in the restroom or otherwise occupado at the time), and only one vote against.
The sole courageous “Nay” vote came from Republican Thomas Massie representing Kentucky’s 4th District. Everybody give Massie a round of applause: apparently the only sane man in the House! All the others deserve to die in a fiery nuclear apocalypse, if only there were a way to limit the carnage just to these arrogant and over-paid Walking Dead.
And this is a good moment to insert a literary reference, from one of my favorite American writers, Harriet Beecher Stowe, who explains (Uncle Tom, Chapter XI) the genial and frank nature of Kentucky natives:
Your Kentuckian of the present day is a good illustration of the doctrine of transmitted instincts and peculiarities. His fathers were mighty hunters,—men who lived in the woods, and slept under the free, open heavens, with the stars to hold their candles; and their descendant to this day always acts as if the house were his camp,—wears his hat at all hours, tumbles himself about, and puts his heels on the tops of chairs or mantel-pieces, just as his father rolled on the green sward, and put his upon trees and logs,—keeps all the windows and doors open, winter and summer, that he may get air enough for his great lungs,—calls everybody “stranger,” with nonchalant bonhommie, and is altogether the frankest, easiest, most jovial creature living.
Despite Massie’s frank and jovial nature, the “Let’s have a war” bill was sent on its way to the Senate, where I reckon one can also expect the couch-warriors and chicken-hawks to prevail over common sense and even basic survival instinct.
“Thanks for the Civics Lesson,” you say. “But what does this have to do with Russia?”
Great question, thanks for asking!
American Marines Will Seize Primorye and Vladivostok?
You think this is only about North Korea? Ha! North Korea is just the pretext. According to the bill, the President of the United States (in this case, scarily, Donald Trump) is given the “right” to seize the Russian ports of Vladivostok, Nakhodka and Vanino. If Trump should determine, in his infinite wisdom, that these ports are violating the sanctions against North Korea. Many Americans may think of Russia as a European nation, and tend to forget that large swaths of Russia jut out into the Pacific and are close enough to toss a rock at nations like China, Japan, and North Korea. This map might help to visualize the situation:
Well, of course, many Americans will be, like, jingoistically, “Rah rah! That land is OUR land! Seize those ports! Seize those ports! USA! USA!”
Other, more moderate, Americans may have heard of Primorye, only in the context of the Russian zoo where the goat Timur used to live in harmony with a Siberian tiger. Until the tiger lost his temper one day and just snapped. (Literally.) But let there be no confusion about this: That area, those ports, and those bases are belong to Russia, goat or no goat! Hence, the inevitable corollary of U.S. marines attempting to seize them, will be war.
Trump believes, of course, that if he sufficiently bullies the North Koreans, then they will back down and halt their nuclear program. Meanwhile, the North Koreans have been watching and learning. Over the years they have learned a valuable lesson, namely, that only nuclear-armed nations are safe from American aggression.
Here is what Russian Senator Konstantin Kosachev had to say about the American threat: “This bill, I hope, will never be implemented, since its implementation presupposes a military scenario, with American soldiers forcibly inspecting all vessels. One cannot even wrap one’s head around such a scenario, since it is basically a declaration of war.”
Russian Defense Committee Chairperson Andrei Krasov: “Where does America get the idea that it has such obligations, who gave it such powers to control the ports of our country? We did not request this, and international organizations did not grant [America] such powers.” Krasov added ominously that any “unfriendly” acts towards Russia or its allies [yalensis: for example, Syria and Iran] would be met symmetrically: “Not a single American ship will enter our waters.”