How’m I Doin’, Hey, Hey – March Edition

Greetings, Dear Readers,  this is John Claggart from “Billy Budd”.

“I will break you, you Gorgeous Hunk of Idiocy!”

This is my third month in charge of “Awful Avalanche” metrics.  Under my leadership Page Views have gone up – yay!  Compared to February, the number of views increased, from 4,020 to 4,350.

For our second metric, the number of Distinct Visitors, the number went down, from 2,123 to 1,834.  But this was not my fault!  Our crew were still suffering from the ineffectual leadership of the former management team, led by that pussy Captain Starry Vere.  It’s still all Billy’s fault, and for the second time in a row, The Angel Must Hang.


yalensis speaking here:  Er, Captain Crunch, make that 1,833 distinct visitors.  March was the month when I discovered, to my horror, that one of my distinct visitors, the lovely Sara, was just a soulless robot possessing only a smattering of Artificial Intelligence.  Her pretty avatar-face with its perfect white teeth, so charmed me that I overlooked her stock comments and replies, such as “Well, that sounds good…”  It took the intervention of my discerning colleague Lyttenburgh to notice that this Siri-wannabe never actually had real anything to say on any topic.  And that when she “reposted” one of my stories, her own blog was just a hastily constructed Potemkin-shell with the working title of “Site Title”.  Hm…. Now that I think of it, perhaps I should have used that catchy name for my own blog:  “SITE TITLE!”  Anyhow, this bitter experience made me realize how Austin Powers must have felt, when he discovered that his beloved wife Vanessa was just a mindless murderous fembot!

I must also mention:  My Team-Lead, Mr. Claggart, in his haste to punish the wicked, forgot to notice one intriguing factor:  Although overall number of distinct visitors went down, my number of visitors from the United States went up, from 1,330 in February, to 1,420 in March.  Since the Anglophone nations form my main niche market, I think this is significant, and I am pretty happy with it – yay!  Speaking of which here is my usual disclaimer:

Your Privacy is Important to Me: WordPress calculates who is a distinct person by their I.P. address. It also uses the I.P. address to deduce which country you live in. I myself can’t see I.P. addresses unless you leave a comment. In which case I can see your email address; and from that I COULD look up your I.P. if I were curious, which I am not.

Next: Before posting my usual “Parade of Nations”, this here is my nostalgic trip down memory lane. In which I narcissistically “look-back” through my own posts of the last month, self-assess them, and highlight a few which I think are particularly good, I call this feature:

Highlights of the Month

So, here we go, in chronological order:

  • On March 5, I started a 4-part series about the new NATO coalition building up against Russia, and starring the Baltic states and Poland.
  • On March 10, I started a 3-part series on the Ukrainian military.  The title was “Can Ukraine Offer The World Hobbyist Military Technology?”  One of my readers, Pavlo, pointed out the journalistic rule, that any headline which is posed in the form of a question, needs to be answered with a firm “NO!”
  • On March 14, I started a 3-part series on the Crimean Tatar problem, and how Russia is dealing with the issue of Islam, among other challenges.
  • On March 18, I started a 4-part series on the Russian Orthodox Old Believers.  This is a fascinating historical topic and generated some interesting discussion.
  • On March 24 and March 25 I reviewed, respectively, Episodes 1 and 2 of a Russian reality show about elite ballet dancers.  Ballet is inherently unpopular, so this type of story is deliberately intended for only a niche market.  This is one of the reasons (and also tactically suggested by my colleague Lyttenburgh) why I didn’t continue to plow forward with the entire 10-part series of reviews in sequential order.  Hence, readers who hate classical ballet, won’t click on my page, grumble, “Oh no, not another 100-part series on Swan Lake!” and then refuse to look again for a whole week.  I do intend to continue these ballet reviews, but I will intersperse them with other stories, of a more general interest.
  • Like OPERA, for example!  Which brings me to the Jewel in the Crown of my March stories:  My 2-part review of Idomeneo as staged by the Metropolitan Opera.  Granted, this Mozart opera has nothing to do with Russia.  Unless one considers the ancient Trojan people to be proto-Ukrainians, possibly.  But nonetheless, it is still part of my job to attempt to elevate the cultural level of the Russophile hoi polloi, so there you have it.

And now for that Pomp and Circumstance that everybody has been waiting for: It is time to march on with the

Parade Of Nations

My 1,834 March visitors hail from the following countries, in order of most to least page views. WordPress allows me to save these stats as a CSV file, from which I copy-pasted onto here.:


United States 1420
Australia 564
United Kingdom 429
New Zealand 414
Canada 268
Russia 231
Finland 151
Germany 89
Romania 49
Poland 48
Ireland 41
Mexico 38
Netherlands 29
France 28
India 27
Sweden 26
Czech Republic 26
Norway 26
Belgium 24
Ukraine 24
Italy 23
Spain 19
Turkey 19
Japan 18
United Arab Emirates 15
Greece 15
Austria 14
South Africa 12
Denmark 12
Thailand 11
Hungary 10
Slovakia 10
European Union 8
Switzerland 8
Brazil 8
Pakistan 8
Cambodia 7
Philippines 7
Kenya 7
Latvia 7
Hong Kong SAR China 7
Portugal 7
Malaysia 7
Azerbaijan 6
Lithuania 6
Indonesia 6
Serbia 6
Estonia 5
Slovenia 5
Croatia 5
Nigeria 5
Peru 4
Vietnam 4
Georgia 4
Egypt 4
Libya 4
Bulgaria 3
Namibia 3
Israel 3
South Korea 3
Argentina 3
Jordan 2
Colombia 2
Bangladesh 2
Bahamas 2
Bosnia & Herzegovina 2
Ghana 2
Guinea 2
Belarus 2
Singapore 2
Uruguay 2
Luxembourg 2
Tanzania 2
Cyprus 2
Saudi Arabia 1
Taiwan 1
Belize 1
Paraguay 1
Macau SAR China 1
Nepal 1
Puerto Rico 1
Trinidad & Tobago 1
Macedonia 1
Maldives 1
Lebanon 1
Ethiopia 1
Guadeloupe 1
Iceland 1
El Salvador 1
Sint Maarten 1
Montenegro 1
Moldova 1
Ecuador 1
Armenia 1
Uzbekistan 1
Réunion 1
Brunei 1
Jamaica 1
Malta 1
Kuwait 1
China 1

Thanks for visiting my blog, folks!
Sincerely yours,

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2 Responses to How’m I Doin’, Hey, Hey – March Edition

  1. Lyttenburgh says:

    “Unless one considers the ancient Trojan people to be proto-Ukrainians, possibly.”

    YIS! As confirmed by the tireless efforts of the Ukrainian historians, Trojans are descendants of the Ancient Ukrs! And Trojans (via Eneus) are the ancestors of the ancient Romans, which means – Roman Empire was Ukrainian! SUGS!

    ^There were not Trojan horse – it was a Trojan Pig! And it’s been smelling of salo (to cover the Greek-Moscalian audour) which was immediately recognized as the gift from the Gods.

    P.S. I’m not jocking.


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