Petrushka in the Knesset

Dear Readers:

Today I have a translation of a piece by Alexander Rogers.  Despite his English-sounding name, Rogers is apparently Russian, and writes in Russian.  I am not sure, but I think he is a Russian Jew, possibly living in Israel.  His analytical pieces in the Russian blogosphere are trenchant, mean, and funny.  I think he deserves better translation than the gibberish such as this example from Niqnaq.

Niqnaq translations are notoriously bad, so here is my shot at translating the same piece.  I am confident that my version will make more sense.  The piece is about Poroshenko’s Christmas Eve visit to Israel and his speech before the Knesset; and all his mis-steps in the process.

Poroshenko speaks to Israeli Parliament

Poroshenko In the Knesset:

How to Become a “Kosher” Banderite and Sit on Two Chairs at the Same Time

 

Linguistic/translator notes (or: I like to put my footnotes on top.)

  1. Rogers uses a derogatory name for Poroshenko which I haven’t seen before, namely Пецюндер (Petsyunder).  I googled this word and only found a few references, mostly in tweets, in which the context  (e.g., “Petsyunder from Mordor”) seemed to imply that there was a Tolkien reference.  Not a Tolkien fan myself, I have no clue who the characters are.  But I DID wiki the Tolkien world, and in the catalogue of characters, under the letter P there is a character name Pelendur.  Who was apparently the Steward of Gondor.  Therefore, unless somebody corrects me on this, I am going to assume that the in-joke with Poroshenko’s derogatory nickname involves this Tolkien character.
  2. Reference to the “Vampire Shevchenko”:  Rogers uses the Russian word Вурдалак  (“Vurdalak”) which is a mythological half-dead creature, mentioned in Pushkin’s poems, among others.  Rogers is alluding to the work of Ukrainian writer Oles Buzina. Buzina wrote a controversial book called “Vurdalak Taras Shevchenko” which was a more critical way of looking at the iconic Ukrainian poet, Shevchenko.  Whom Ukrainian children are taught to worship.  Buzina suffered for his iconoclasty and critical thinking – he was assassinated last April.  But probably for more than just this particular book.
  3. Reference to Lev Natanovich Shcharansky.  This is a blogger, almost certainly an assumed name – nobody actually knows his real identity — who “poses” as a Soviet-era Jewish dissident, in order to thoroughly trash that milieu.  Using Solzhenitsyn as his avatar, Shcharansky’s blogposts are mean-spirited and hilariously funny.  He has authored many neologisms and “winged expressions” which are popular in the Russian blogosphere.  Among them, such expressions as “handshakability” (Russian рукопожатность).  The speculation is, that the person posing as Lev Natanovich is either an anti-Semite posing as a Jew, or, more likely, a Jew himself who knows the subculture from within.  More than likely, Poroshenko was not alluding to Lev Natanovich, but rather to the real Shcharansky, Natan, who is a former Russian dissident/emigre, now an Israeli citizen and political figure.

And now, without further ado, the translation:

Alexander Rogers:

Yesterday the little squirrel Poroshenko surpassed even himself.  Boris Nikolaevich Yeltsin directing his orchestra in Hell, peers out of his grave enviously.

How dumb is it to cross yourself, while wearing a yarmulka?  At that moment, all the Jews in the world, who watched this miracle, thought to themselves:  “Oi veh, what a putz!”

And the Orthodox Christians are in shock too.

However, all of this is just trivial, compared to Poroshenko’s speech in the Knesset.  Where Petsyunder demonstrated his attempt to sit on ALL chairs simultaneously.

Madam I’m Adam.

There was a wealth of riches:  Direct “domestic” flights from Kiev to Tel-Aviv (“Hello, Khazar Khanate!”).  Tall tales of how Ukrainians and Jews – are the two most ancient peoples on the planet.  The children’s story about how Ukraine created the State of Israel.  And the fairy tale about how the Jews helped to create the state of Ukraine.  All that remained to clear up was the question of Adam and Eve – which one was the Ukrainian, and which – the Jew.

Smart Jews applauded the particularly outlandish passages of Poroshenko’s speech.  To them, this was a better, and cheaper entertainment, than going to the circus.  Not even the best clown in a 3-ring circus can light up the tent like Poroshenko does.

But when Poroshenko dived into the history of Ukrainian-Jewish relations, I somehow wanted to put an end to this insanity.  I do understand that it is in the tradition of Ukrainian presidents, to shoot the bull.  Kuchma in his time also used to bullshit about the “ageless traditions of Polish-Ukrainian friendship”.  (In which they friended each other so much, that periodically they even butchered each other to the tune of entire cities.)  But Poroshenko, for his part, surpassed even this level of B.S.

Every year, Hassidic pilgrims arrive in Uman and get beaten up by Banderites.

After all, was it not the “Vampire Shevchenko” who praised the slaughter of Jews, including women and children, in the town of Uman.  Or is Poroshenko not familiar with Ukrainian literature?  In that very same town of Uman, on a regular basis, almost every year, Hassidic pilgrims arrive and are regularly subjected to harrassment  on the part of Ukrainian nationalists-Banderites.

Lviv pogroms 1941. Jewish girls and women sexually humiliated before murdered.

Poroshenko went on to unconditionally condemn the crimes committed by Nazi collaborators against the Jewish people on the territory of the Ukraine, during the time of the Second World War.  But this is strange, no?  Was it not those very same Banderites from OUN-UPA, who are now honored as “hereos” in the Ukraine?  After all, it was Banderites from the Waffen-SS “Galicia” Division who unleashed the pogroms in L’viv in 1941.  After all, it was the “politsai” recruited from among Ukrainian nationalists, who committed the massacre of Babiy Yar.  Given these facts, whom exactly was Poroshenko condemning?

Babiy Yar: Ukrainian “Politsai” did most of the wet work for the Nazis.

 

Was it not Poroshenko himself who donned a camouflage jacket with the inscription:  “Cynical Banderite”?  I wonder why he didn’t wear that costume to the Knesset?  He should have.  Along with his yarmulka he would have appeared completely normal (for him), bolstering his “Petrushka” clown image.

Njinsky as “Petrushka the Clown”

Above and beyond this, how to even categorize his declaration that “Shcharansky fought against Soviet repressions, and for the freedom of the Ukraine”?  Historians and archaeologists, of course, are aware of the existence of a certain Natan Shcharansky, but I am not even sure that he is the one whom our Kosher Piglet had in mind.  Lev Natanovich, on the other hand, has much to be proud of:  His “handshakability” factor went up several notches yesterday.

In conclusion, yesterday Poroshenko demonstrated such gymnastic nimbless in his floor routine,  attempting to please simultaneously the descendants of Nazis, and the descendants of victims of Nazis, that Jean-Claude Van Damme turned green with envy.  But all the same, nobody gave Poroshenko any money.

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Breaking News, The Great Game and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Petrushka in the Knesset

  1. Jen says:

    Wow, thanks for the article Yalensis – that’s a sterling effort!

    I wonder what the reason for the visit was. Poroshenko visited for 2 days (December 22 – 23) and apparently met the President of Israel (Reuven Rivlin) and Speaker for the Knesset (Yuli-Yoel Edelstein).

    Edelstein himself is an associate of the original Natan Sharansky. Edelstein’s Wikipedia entry states that they co-founded Yisrael ba-Aliyah, a political party with the aim of encouraging Jewish migration from former Soviet lands to Israel and which held a few seats in the Knesset for a while before merging with Likud in the early 2000s.

    I suspect that the purpose was to encourage and cement military ties between Kiev and Tel Aviv because the Ukrainians desperately need military advice and training, more weapons and moreover people who not only have expertise in handling the latest military technology and are up to speed with modern army strategy and logistics but who can also speak Russian.

    Plus of course Poroshenko needs a bolt-hole, just in case. Maybe that’s why he wanted to see Edelstein, because Edelstein might be able to fast-track an Israeli citizenship application based on Porky Valtzman’s background.

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      Dear Jen:
      Thanks, and all these are good theories. There is probably a lot of skullduggery going on behind the scenes. There is a known tie between Ukrainians and “moderate Syrian rebels”. Just as there was an alliance between the Ukrainians and the Chechen jihadis. That’s the so-called “Islamo-fascist” alliance, which is not actually a joke any more. And the Israelis always play their own crooked game, and are usually on the wrong side of everything.

      The “Waltzman bolthole” is a good theory too. The “kosher banderite” Waltzman remembers what happened to Yanukovych, and he would probably like to have his escape hatch ready, just in case.
      Half the members of the Ukrainian government probably already carry Israeli passports!

      Now, as for Natan Sharansky, believe it or not, I remember reading that he is actually not so anti-Russian any more. Was more anti-Soviet than anti-Russian, per se. Was even lobbying for better ties between Israel and Russia. So, I don’t know what’s going on with him. He was more a traditional Zionist and Jewish patriot, so he might not be so keen on alliance with the Ukrainian neo-Nazis. But I’m not sure. Rogers might have just brought up his name, as a way of tossing out a joke about the “other” Sharansky.

      Like

  2. Cortes says:

    OT, but I hope that you can forgive me linking to this Orlov article

    http://cluborlov.blogspot.co.uk/2015/12/a-christmas-present-for-whole-world.html#more

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      This is interesting piece, he is right that English spelling is atrociously illogical.
      Not sure that he is right about English grammar being “easy”.
      Just because a language doesn’t have grammatical endings, doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s easy to learn! And the reason why English is THE international language is for the same reason that Latin was the international language back in the day. For geo-political reasons. Not because it’s easy to learn!

      Like

      • Cortes says:

        Agreed.

        I hope you or someone similarly talented can make an uptodate version of Trenite’s

        The Chaos

        Por favor?

        Like

        • yalensis says:

          Ha ha! I had to look that one up – it’s pretty good!
          The sad thing is, that the situation gets worse from year to year.
          At some point English-speaking countries will have to appoint a committee of PROFESSIONAL LINGUISTS who are experts in ENGLISH, to engineer a major orthographical reform.
          They should start with the standard and major dialects, find all the phonemes in common, and try to re-use existing letters, when possible, otherwise create new letters, or pick from international phonetic symbols.
          Hey, if Cyrill/Methodius could do this for all the Slavic dialects, in an age without computers or even typewriters, then it should surely be doable in the modern age.

          All it takes is the WILL to decide to do it.
          I even propose a candidate to head this committee, it should be an American, so it should be John McWhorter.
          In addition to being an expert English-language linguist, he is also familiar with the dialects and Creoles – he wrote his dissertation on them. Plus, he knows historical linguistics too, and this would include the history of various spellings, and stuff like that.

          Like

  3. Lyttenburgh says:

    ” Rogers is alluding to the work of Ukrainian writer Oles Buzina. Buzina wrote a controversial book called “Vurdalak Taras Shevchenko” which was a more critical way of looking at the iconic Ukrainian poet, Shevchenko.”

    About Oles’ Buzina… The man was a true Ukrainian patriot. He was more a journalist and a writer than a historian, and some of his “interpretations” are not quite scientifically sound but… I really liked to read him. I’ve began reading him even before this whole mess with “Revolution of ReGidnost” began. Hearing about his death suddenly felt… personal, for me, despite that I didn’t (and couldn’t possibly) know him personally.

    What saddened (and angered me to the “KILL! MAIM! BURN!” level of Piss-off-meter) was how easily after his death he had been dismissed as “pro-Russian” journalist both in the Ukraine in faithfully copy-pasting Free and Independent ™ Western Press.

    “Reference to Lev Natanovich Shcharansky. This is a blogger, almost certainly an assumed name – nobody actually knows his real identity — who “poses” as a Soviet-era Jewish dissident, in order to thoroughly trash that milieu. “

    “Зачем ви тгавите?”(с) L.N. Sharanskiy.

    “How dumb is it to cross yourself, while wearing a yarmulka? At that moment, all the Jews in the world, who watched this miracle, thought to themselves: “Oi veh, what a putz!””

    Proof pic:

    “Tall tales of how Ukrainians and Jews – are the two most ancient peoples on the planet.”

    Pfft! Ancient Ukrs are more ancient!

    “All that remained to clear up was the question of Adam and Eve – which one was the Ukrainian,”

    According to svidomite Mythololy, In the Beginning ™ there were 2 Humans: Taras and Ivan. Ivan spawned accursed Moscals and is a father of all Evil, while Taras was a Chosen One by God. How they procreated svidomite theory don’t describe, prefering to answer such awkward questions with shouts of “Slava Ukrajine!”, singing of Polish Ukrainian national anthem and calls to the SBU about pro-Moscal agent asking treasonous questions.

    “Above and beyond this, how to even categorize his declaration that “Shcharansky fought against Soviet repressions, and for the freedom of the Ukraine”? Historians and archaeologists, of course, are aware of the existence of a certain Natan Shcharansky, but I am not even sure that he is the one whom our Kosher Piglet had in mind. Lev Natanovich, on the other hand, has much to be proud of: His “handshakability” factor went up several notches yesterday.”

    ТакЪ Победим!

    http://img-fotki.yandex.ru/get/6204/59010491.2/0_664f7_a1ed1baf_XXL

    Like

    • yalensis says:

      Dear Lyttenburgh: Thanks for your trenchant comment.
      I share your sadness and anger about Oles Buzina. That was the proof that there is a difference between a “nationalist” and a “patriot”. Buzina was the latter – he actually cared about Ukraine and Ukrainians. Wanted to make it a better place. Whereas the so-called “nationalists” are in a rush to soil their nest, sell their heritage and serve their new foreign masters, the sooner the better. Once again, the irony of the Hegelian Dialectic at work.

      As for Lev Sharansky, he is a very happy man, seeing his idol and fellow-tribesman the clown Petrushka Waltzmann sticking it to the vatniki. Like Rogers said, Sharansky’s handshakability factor went up several points on the hanshakability-meter.

      And all of this happening, while Bonner glows down from her heaven, and the Sixth Fleet patrols the Mediterranean Sea.

      ТакЪ Победим!

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s